SCARLET TRIXIBELLE Playfair

Never, ever, no matter how tempting it is, name your daughter after your favourite lap dancer.

THEODORA LILY MOFFAT Flanagan

Apparently, little Theodora is going to be known as 'Teddy'. This gives rise to two potential - and presumably parentally unthought of - problems.

First of all, how do you react when one of your other four children says "Teddy's dirty, can I put her in the washing machine?"

Second, with a surname like 'Flanagan', she's going to go through school known as 'Teddy Flange'.