WILFRED MICHAEL CHARLES Dewhurst

Congratulations, you now have your own Bash Street Kid. You know how some names are coming back? This wasn't one of them, because to several generations, Wilfred will always be a small boy whose jumper covers his mouth.

Go on, I dare you to call your next one Cuthbert.

JAKE PERICLES Daly

Hmm, so you don't have high ambitions for him, then? First Citizen of Athens would do? Why not go the whole hog and call him Zeus? Or could you, perhaps, just let him make his own way in life, without saddling him with a name that means he has be something he can never be?

FLORA SUSAN Calthorpe - a sister for BARNABY

Allow me to be the first of many who will, during her lifetime, suggest that Flora is known for spreading easily

CYRUS T Young

What? Not only do you lumber the poor lad with Cyrus, guaranteeing a lifetime of people singing 'Achy Breaky Heart' at him, but you don't even have the decency to give him a middle name, just an initial? How cruel can you be?

SKYE BELL RUFFMAN Turner

I don't have any way of checking how many people actually read this thing. I'm sure it is not many. If it were, I would think that you had done this deliberately, just to get on here, Mr & Mrs Turner. I mean, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???

ATALANTA CICELY BROOKE Le Breton

This is going to be one confused little lady. Take the French surname, throw in a hint of Channel Island, add a first name that is United States by way of Chavsville, Essex and then chuck in a couple of middle names culled straight from an unpublished Miss Marple novel.

"Where did I come from, Mummy and Daddy, because from my name it seems to be freaking everywhere"

LUDOVIC PERCIVAL Clark

Wow, that was a long labour. It apparently started somewhere around 1920 and only ended last month. Still, at least you stuck to the names you first thought of...