JACY Dunk

When you already have a surname which is bordering on the risible, why make things worse for your son by giving him a made-up, pseudo-trendy, first name as well?

HUGO IGNATIUS WATSON MacIver

There's a difference between 'I want my child, who is special and unique, to have a name which is equally special and unique' and 'I want my child, who is special and unique, to be ridiculed by his peers'. This isn't it.

LUDOVIC OLIVER JOHN Green

I know babies are born a bit wrinkly, but they do smooth out eventually. It is not therefore necessary to name them after geriatric broadcasters.

ISLA SELINA EDWINA Knatchbull - a sister for AMBER, MILO and LUDO

Right, now you have your own set of Fimbles, what are you going to do with them?

MEREDITH BEATRICE MEISSA Aylott - a sister for CELESTE EVELYN LYRA

No matter how good those Philip Pullman books were, there is still no excuse for naming your children after the charecters. And did you mean 'Meissa', or can you just not spell 'Melissa'?

HECTOR and MIMI Digby - a brother and sister for PERDITA

Three goes at it and you still keep naming your children after dogs.

ZACHARIAH WILLIAM JAMES Daly

Sometimes, you can be too Old Testament...

BIBI ELIZABETH AURORA Elliot - a brother for AXEL

'Axel' was last trendy back in 1985. It is hard to imagine that Bibi ever was, or ever will be.

SONNEYWOLVERINE Hart - a brother for STORM CRISTAL BRANDY TANISHA LINDA GENEVIEVE SAFFRON BRONWEN

OK, so both of your children are named after X-men. Your daughter is also named after two kinds of drink, the seasoning made from crocus stamen and a film about a car. You are not actually normal, are you, Mrs Hart? Oh, and Wolverine's name was Logan, not Sonney.



Many thanks to Rachel for alerting me to that last gem.