JACK ROCKET ELLIOT Baird-Murray

Oh for Pete's sake, if you can't work out what is stupid about this, Mr & Mrs Baird-Murray, I am not going to help you.

HORATIO RUFUS LEONIDAS Croisdale-Appleby

First of all, you have a double-barrelled surname, therefore everyone is going to think your son is a toffee nosed twit before they meet him.

Then they find that he has three of the most pretentious first names ever and decide that, yes, he is a toffee nosed twit and flush his head down the bog.

Why would you make this happen to your child?

ARAMINTA MARY LEONORA Whipple

How to make your daughter sound like an ice cream, without actually naming her Rumnraisin.

ARAMINTA MARY LEONORA Whipple

How to make your daughter sound like an ice cream, without actually naming her Rumnraisin.