HARRY DISCRETION HYATT Williams

I admit that I didn't know that people still named their children after personal traits, but I'm pretty damn sure that they don't also name them after international hotel chains.

BLAKE XYA Scammell

I accept that you can't do anything about landing him with a surname like a truck, but you could have avoided the following

1. Giving him a middle name so pretentious, even Brian Sewell wouldn't touch it;
2. Announcing that he was born in a "Family Birthing Centre" - isn't the point of birthing to produce a family, or do you usually eat your young, Mr & Mrs Sewel...sorry, Scammell;
3. At the same time, announcing that he weighed 3.34 kilos, when everyone but you knows that the unit weight for babies is the lb.

It's people like you who make me think that the human race is doomed

NED WILLIAM ACE HUKE Holland

Ace?

Huke??

The perils of visiting the register office whilst drunk.

GIL AUGUSTUS Grace - a brother for Sebastian, Silas and Jasper

Looks like someone was conceived whilst CSI was on the television. Just as his brothers were the products of Brideshead Revisited, a Dickens adaptation and Carrot's Commercial Breakdown. Probably time to switch off the telly and take up reading, Mr & Mrs Grace