TAVIN ALEXANDER HAMMERSMITH Williams

Forget the horrible first name and simply ask why the rowing freak parents also named their son after a BRIDGE. Was he concieved there? Born there? Or are some people so sad that they shouldn't be allowed to breed?

TWISS RENEE Barlow

Simply for sounding like a hideous childrens' sweet, full of e numbers and the like.

BRUNO Bryan

I'm including this for two reasons. First, because he sounds like a back street bookie from before 1961. Second, because - even to me - it looks like his names are back to front.

ELIZA CASSON JANINA Meacher

Congratulations, Mr & Mrs Meacher. You've managed to give your daughter such a dog's dinner of a name that I can't actually put into words (a) how bad it is and (b) the sheer number of "Wouldn't it be luvverly" jokes she is going to get as she grows up.