CLARITY RUSCOMBE Reynolds - a sister for Bliss and Hope

I'm putting my foot down here, Mr & Mrs Reynolds. No more children until you have learned the difference between a noun and a name.

AUSTIN CHARLIE Gentry - a brother for ZABIAN

I've no complaints about the name Austin. None at all. Zabian, on the other hand, is the sort of name you get when you pick letters randomly from a Scrabble bag. And just because it is the name of an American basketball player does not make it a good thing. That's the country that thought eight years of George Walker Bush was a good thing, remember.

DIGBY PERIGRINE Eliot

So, that's the Shaggy DA, a falcon and my grandmother's ginger tom cat, all bound up in one name so firmly rooted in 19th century literature it's a wonder the poor little chap didn't come with with his own wet nurse and set of antimacassars. Lovely.

A message from the 'author'

I didn't know I had readers! I started this a couple of years ago as something to amuse myself and maybe a small group of friends. I've just spotted some of the comments and realised that people are reading it who I don't know at all. Welcome to my world.

The number and frequency of posts on here has always been dictated by the number of amusing - or, in some cases, downright stupid - names available, and also by how much time I have to devote to writing. I can see I am going to have to be more consistent in future, so you'll probably find that there are fewer, but more frequent, new entries. I don't want to lose you, now that I have sucked you in.

To find that the mother of one child was reading gave me something of a shock - hi, Venus - but I promise that this won't make me any less critical, or indeed rude. I might stop using the word 'prostitute' quite as often, though.

Finally, if you find that the entries start to trail off again in a few months, it's just because my wife is five months pregnant and that. because of this blog, I am now a scared man...

PORTIA TRINITY MALINI SINGARAYER Alford - a sister for NATHANAEL and TRISTAN

Credit where it is due. Mr & Mrs Awful - sorry, Alford - at least know that you give the name Trinity to your third child. But what kind of a family is it where a child called Tristan is the one who got off lightly? A quick search of Google reveals that Nathanael is probably the only person on the planet with that name - unless you count those who have been dead for 180 years or so, in which case they are probably a bit dusty by now and not a good role model for a child.