LARISSA ROSE HARLAND James

The name 'Larissa' always sounds to me like the brand name for a milk drink, but the 'Harland James' bit confusingly puts me in mind of a defunct motorcycle manufacturer. Neither of these are good things for a little girl to be associated with.

LILYELLA Sweeney

Now you're just being silly. Or did you want your daughter to sound like a brand of sanitary towel?

COSKUN MARK Lewens

I trust I don't need to spell out what this poor little mite will be known as at school?

CLIO LOWDON Laverick

For the benefit of the hard of thinking:

Clio = small French car

Cleo = small English girl

*Thanks to Belle for this one

MATILDA IMOGEN WENDY SANTUZZA Kingsbury

When Roald Dahl and JM Barrie meet the world of opera, this is what happens. Grim

MYRTLE Hobson

The parents are called Aline and Barney. Some people never, ever, learn.

ARCHIE GUY DIBDIN Hestletine

Ooh, look - spot the Aurelio Zen lovers